Kathy Mitchell

and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am a 36-year-old mother of two. After our first child was born, I suffered four miscarriages, two of which required a D&C, which created adhesions from scar tissue. I underwent two hysteroscopies and an emergency laparoscopy. After all this, we were able to have a second child, delivered via C-section. But I then had another miscarriage and decided enough was enough. I don’t want to get pregnant again.

I would like my husband to have a vasectomy, but he refuses. Our current form of birth control is the withdrawal method, which isn’t much fun, not to mention it’s not the most effective. Frankly, I’ve been poked and prodded enough, and I don’t want to undergo more surgery for a tubal ligation. Birth control pills are not an option, and I have an allergy to latex, so condoms are out.

On top of my medical history, it’s cheaper for my husband to have a vasectomy, and the recovery time is fairly quick. A tubal would require a month off work without pay, not to mention the increased risks and higher chance of infection.

My mother-in-law has her boy convinced he’ll suffer lifelong urinary infections if he undergoes a vasectomy. I think my husband believes he’ll be somehow less of a man, so he is dead-set against it. I would appreciate your advice because I am about ready to file for divorce.

— Southwest Sufferer

Dear Southwest: It doesn’t say much about your husband’s character that he would put his macho pride above your health. We won’t even get into his intrusive mother, who has no business being part of this decision.

For the record, vasectomies are quite safe and have absolutely no effect on a man’s sexual drive or masculinity. If your husband is worried about surgery, he can look into non-surgical options. Tell him to stop listening to Mama’s hysteria and talk to his doctor.

It’s her turn now

Dear Annie: For years, my husband and I have been helping our daughter and son-in-law by taking care of their three children, whom we dearly love. When our daughter was working, she paid us a little, although it didn’t cover the cost of the children’s food or the gas to take them to and from school. Now that she is back in college, she says she can’t pay us anything at all.

Annie, we have the grandkids every day. At dinner, their parents stop by to eat with us. Money that we hoped to have for our golden years is slowly dwindling away. How do we tell our daughter that she needs to help us with the cost of caring for her children, or she needs to take care of them herself?

— Almost Broke Grandma

Dear Grandma: You tell her in plain English. She is taking advantage of you because you permit it. We know you love your grandchildren, but this is ridiculous. Inform your daughter that she needs to find other arrangements, because you no longer have the time or money to raise her children. It’s her turn now.

Frightening guy

Dear Annie: You recently advised a harried hostess who had guests dipping twice that she should provide little plates and spoons so guests could portion out their very own dips. How much simpler it would be if the host would only cut the food to single-bite size. Problem eliminated.

I am reminded of times when inebriated revelers insist on kissing on the mouth. I just ask them, “Do you have herpes?” When they say, “No,” I reply, “Well, now you do.”

— Cautious in Oswego, N.Y.

Dear Oswego: You’re a rather frightening fellow. First of all, most dips aren’t served in individual portions, although it’s an interesting suggestion. Second, instead of traumatizing inebriated revelers, why not simply “turn the other cheek,” so they don’t kiss you on the mouth? It seems easy enough to do, and much less hostile.