Klonie JORDAN “Stop trying to trick me.”

I found myself saying that out loud the other day while looking at a sales paper from a well-known electronics store.

It seems they had a pretty sweet deal on a laptop computer. The item was pictured right there on the front of the sales paper with the sweetheart price in big bold numerals.

But, being skeptical of deals that sound too good to be true, I checked the fine print and, sure enough, it said each store had only 10 of these items in stock. So before you could say, “no, I don’t want the extended warranty,” the laptops would be gone.

“You know that hundreds of people are going to see this and rush right over there to buy one of these, only to be told they’re sold out,” I told my wife.

We fell victim to this ploy at Christmas. There was a similar promotion of a sweetheart deal involving a hard-to-find video game system. So we decided to take advantage of the sale but when we got there the video game system cupboard was empty.

There was a freckle-faced kid wearing his “official” shirt who, when we asked where the on-sale video game systems could be located, told us they were sold out.

For a few fleeting seconds I wondered if Mr. Freckles had ever been forced-fed a sales paper. Then, realizing that wasn’t a practical option, I almost invited him to join me out back while we invented a new video game. We could call it “Butt-Whooping The Sales Clerk.” The object of the game would be to “butt-whoop” the sales clerk into submission, then take his key to the secret room where the on-sale laptops are stored and push a buggy full of them to your car through the “Maze O’ Zits” before Mr. Freckles’ co-clerks could stop you and mark up the price.

I’ve noticed that one of the strategies being adopted by the giant retailers these days involves not so much providing you with a bargain as MAKING YOU THINK you’re getting a bargain.

For example, one of the things they’re doing is what I like to call the old “Rebate Reel-In.”

This occurs when the giant retailer displays a price on an item and you, thinking you’re getting a real deal, run over and snap it up and carry it to the counter. There you find that the item has two numbers on the price tag – the big number (the one you thought was the actual price) – and a smaller number under that one with the accompanying words “Before Rebate.”

In other words, maybe you see a printer you would like to own and you see a price of $89.95 and then you take a closer look and it’s really $129.95. The latter price is the one you pay at the time you purchase the item. Oh, you get your rebate – eventually. But if you’ve ever mailed in a rebate for a computer or computer peripheral, you know it can be a real pain in the lower extremities.

All I want is a good product at a fair price. I don’t want to be tricked or sucker-punched in the wallet. I want to know what the REAL price is — not counting the rebate. And if there is a rebate, I want it to be easy to get. Why not just have a toll-free number that I can call and punch in the product serial number and record my name and address and you send me my money?

And don’t tell me you have a sweetheart deal on something and then I find out you only have 10 of them in stock. If the tables were turned, I wouldn’t do that to you. You can rest assured that when my “Butt-Whooping The Sales Clerk” video game comes out, it’s going to be $49.95. And that’s the ACTUAL PRICE. There won’t be any rebates and there will be a lot more than 10 of them per store.

Thank you and come again.

(Klonie Jordan is executive editor of The Gaffney Ledger. You can contact him via e-mail at: klonie@gaffneyledger.com)