ANNIE’S MAILBOX Kathy Mitchell

and Marcy Sugar

You should pay for the gifts you buy Dear Annie: My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year. “Janice” is a divorcee, and I am a widower. Financially, we both are very comfortable. Last Christmas, I gave Janice a rather expensive wristwatch. The gold band was too large for her slender wrist, however, so she asked if I would cut it to make it smaller. I told her that I did not want to risk damaging the watch and suggested she take it to a jeweler. She could not take it back to the store where I bought it, because I purchased it on a business trip several thousand miles away.

After Janice had the watch adjusted, she presented me with the bill and told me how much I owed her. I thought her actions were extremely tacky and insulting. I assure you, the amount of the alteration has no bearing on this at all. I simply believed she had a lot more class, but now I am having serious second thoughts. What do you think?

— B.C. in California

Dear B.C.: Presenting you with a bill was tacky, but the truth is, you should have offered to pay for the alteration. It was a gift she could not return, nor could she have it adjusted, for free, at the shop where it was purchased. A gift is much less charming if the recipient has to fork over part of the cost in order to use it. Granted, she could have said “thank you” and simply put the watch in a drawer forever. But if you wanted her to wear it, you should have made the offer. We say you’re even.

Sometimes 10 seems like 80

Dear Annie: I need to lose about 80 pounds, and I’ve been struggling to do so. The problem is my friends who feel they need to drop about 10 pounds. Every time I speak to them it’s, “I’m disgusted by myself,” or “I can’t put on shorts or a bathing suit. Nobody wants to see that cellulite!”

I realize that to them, 10 pounds feels like my 80, but don’t they realize how insensitive they are? What do they expect me to say? If they look disgusting at 130 pounds, how do they feel about me? This makes me very uncomfortable. How do I respond?

— Tired of Being a Fat Friend

Dear Friend: These women don’t expect you to respond, they are just letting off steam and should be ignored. If you can’t do that, by all means, speak up. Say, “I know you don’t mean to be insensitive, but that’s how it comes across. I’d appreciate it if you stopped discussing your weight problems in front of me.”

Try to understand

those who are different

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “At My Limits,” the teenager who was uncomfortable with “Jenny,” a fellow student who behaved strangely.

You mentioned that Jenny may have a neurological impairment such as Tourette’s. Another possibility would be autism.

I would have recommended that “Limits” speak to a school counselor or teacher to try to get some insight into Jenny’s behavior and some advice on how to treat Jenny appropriately. Her discomfort is a direct result of not understanding, and Jenny may not have the verbal or social skills to explain her own behavior. I hope you will re-visit this topic, as your guidance and wise advice may benefit many lonely young people in secondary schools around the world.

— A Loyal Reader in Great Britain

Dear Loyal Reader: Thank you for providing additional insight into Jenny’s problems, and the excellent suggestion to discuss it with an informed teacher or counselor.