I know absolutely nothing about interior decorating.

Remember that Farrah Fawcett poster? I thought that was about as high-brow as you you could get as far as decor is concerned.

So I'm not one to be critical of what should and shouldn't be on display or positioned in whatever place in whatever room in one's domicile. Or even their house for that matter.

I know my momma had numerous cutesy items that she called "what-nots" on display at various spots. And some of them were among momma's prized possessions - not because they were particularly valuable but because almost all of them had some kind of sentimental significance attached to them.

For example, one of the "what-nots" was a Detroit Tigers mascot bobblehead doll that someone had sent her. It was a little tigershaped porcelain head mounted on a spring attached to a little porcelain humanshaped body dressed in a little Detroit Tigers uniform.

I always thought that doll was uglier than the north end of a southbound mule, but we all knew that if, in the course of our horseplay somebody broke that bobblehead doll, we might as well leave home. No Ming vase in existence ever carried the value that momma placed on her "what-nots." One woman's trash is another woman's prized porcelain figurine, I reckon.

Most of my relatives have similar kinds of items in their houses. Some have more than others and some of the items are bigger than others.

One of the items at a relative's house where I visited a while back is a big wicker basket (it looks like if you played a flute over it, a cobra would pop its head right out the top) - in a bathroom filled with plastic roses and stems and other types of fake plant life.

Now before I get hate mail from the Association of Phony Plants Coalition, let me say that I am in no way opposed to artificial efflorescence. But in this particular instance I was a little concerned about the proximity of the "jug-o'-flowers" to the toilet. It wasn't the phony flowers so much as the bare fake green stems that bothered me. Those suckers looked sharp. If you sat down on the porcelain throne too fast, you could poke your eye out on one of those things.

I know of what I speak because it pert near happened to me one day. Had I not been wearing my glasses I more than likely would be typing this column right now with a patch over one eye.

This potentially dangerous situation got me to thinking - what if I had not been wearing my glasses and had indeed suffered a serious eye injury? What's the protocol for seeking emergency aid for that kind of thing?

Would you:

A.) Cry out for help?

B.) Attempt to run from the bathroom on your own. And if you chose Option B, would you take the time to try to pull up your pants or would the extreme nature of the injury override by great lengths the modesty of a man struck down by plastic roses in mid-throne positioning?

I know the folks who work in the emergency rooms have probably seen some pretty strange things, but I wonder if they have ever seen someone carried in there with a plastic plant stem sticking out of his head and his pants down around his ankles?

I hope this never happens to you and if, heaven forbid, it ever does, I hope nobody in the immediate vicinity has a cell phone camera.

You can greatly decrease the chances of this occurring by using real flowers in your bathroom decorating strategy.

Or perhaps you could replace the flowers with something else altogether.

A nice bobblehead doll, for instance.

(Klonie Jordan is executive editor of The Gaffney Ledger. You can contact him via e-mail at editor@gaffneyledger.com)