ANNIE'S MAILBOX

Dear Annie: A few years ago, I was in an automobile accident, and as a result, I suffer from a very painful back and neck condition. My doctors say surgery is unlikely to help and may even make matters worse, so I rely on strong pain medications to tolerate the discomfort enough to live a normal life with my family.

The problem is, I've started taking my pain pills too often, and I use up my prescription long before a refill is due. To my shame, I've managed to keep myself supplied with enough pills to get through the "dry spells" by going to emergency clinics, using different pharmacies and so on, and have even stolen medication from my friends' medicine cabinets. It is a wonder I've not been caught.

I know I need help. I truly want to beat this, but I'm afraid. The medication is the only thing that keeps the pain at bay, and I'm scared that breaking this addiction would mean I'd never be able to take pain relievers again. Since I'm only in my mid-30s, it is hard to imagine facing a long future without the activities my medicine allows.

Annie, is there any way people can overcome a dependence on painkillers and still be able to use them as needed? I know I could probably get help through Narcotics Anonymous, but I am in a prominent profession in a small community and would be devastated if anyone knew.

- Addicted in Alabama

Dear Alabama: Explain to your doctor that you are developing a tolerance for the pain medication, and ask for a referral to a doctor who specializes in chronic pain management.

If you are not able to take medication without abusing it, look into a pain management program that includes exercise, physical therapy, group therapy, acupuncture and/or meditation. Here are some places to contact for anonymous help: The National Alcohol & Drug Abuse Crisis Line at 1-800-234- 0420; the National Drug Information Treatment and Referral Hotline at 1- 800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357); The American Academy of Pain Management (aapainmanage.org); and the American Pain Foundation (painfoundation. org). Admitting you have a problem is a good first step. We'll be rooting for you to take the next one.

Good dental health vital

Dear Annie: My father refuses to go to the dentist to have his teeth cleaned, although they are badly in need. He says he can't afford it and that it is too painful. But his teeth are awful-looking, and he has terrible breath.

My mother has her teeth cared for regularly, so I know they have the money. I think Dad has just let his teeth go for so long that he is now too embarrassed to have a dentist see them. Should I tell him, or should I mention this to my mother and ask her why she doesn't say something to him?

- Caring Daughter

Dear Daughter: Talk to Mom first, and then offer to approach Dad together. He should know that current dental techniques minimize pain, and whatever additional work his neglect has caused is still best done sooner rather than later. Insurance may cover some of it, but if not, many dentists are willing to work out a payment plan. (Remind him that good dental care can protect his heart.)

Sad situation

Dear Annie: I am in a 15-year marriage that is sexless. Kissing, touching and romance are off limits. We have two beautiful adopted children, and they are the only reason I stay.

I love and respect my wife. I asked her to go to counseling, but she laughed. She doesn't think sex in marriage is needed. I am clean, the same weight as the day we married and attractive. I have been 100 percent faithful for 15 years, but I am starting to think about getting a mistress. I need the soft touch of another human being. Is that too much to ask?

- Sexless in Wisconsin

Dear Sexless: How sad for you. Please get some counseling on your own so you can make decisions with professional guidance. It will help.