ANNIE'S MAILBOX

Dear Annie: My nephew's parents are dead, and I have always been close to him. His ex-wife and daughter live in a shabby mobile home. The place is squalid. I am not talking about cobwebs on the ceiling. I am talking filth and bugs.

I asked if I could help clean up, and she agreed. I filled six large trash bags and still uncovered only a quarter of the kitchen floor. It was coated in animal waste. My great-niece is in high school and goes around smelling like that.

The ex-wife suffers from fibromyalgia and probably depression. So far, she hasn't been able to get disability. I told her, gently, that if someone reported her, they could take away her child. In response, she took a dose of morphine for pain. Now I'm worried she may have a dependency problem.

I'm thinking of telling my nephew how bad it is and suggesting he take custody of his daughter. My apartment is too small, so that's not an option. But what will become of his ex-wife? Is there an organization I can contact for her?

- Anonymous Please

Dear Anonymous: Your nephew should know what is going on in his daughter's home. He is responsible for her well-being and ought to pay more attention. You are kind to worry about his ex-wife, but it sounds as if she may be mentally ill. Your great-niece is old enough to help with the housework and you or your nephew might consider contributing toward the cost of cleaning help once a month until she gets out from under. In addition, you can get information and referrals through the National Fibromyalgia Association (fmaware.org), 2200 N. Glassell St., Orange, CA 92865; the Arthritis Foundation (arthritis.org) at 1-800-568-4045 and the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org) at 1-800-950-NAMI.

More to life than newsprint

Dear Annie: My husband thinks it is acceptable to read at the table during meals. He feels as long as there is no actual food in front of him, reading his newspaper is totally fine.

We spend at least one meal a day listening to him comment (usually negatively) about something he's read. Then I'll place his food on top of the paper to get his attention. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "I just want to read my paper," when the kids are trying to talk to him, well, you know the rest. Worse, he leaves newspapers and flyers all over the house and inky fingerprints on the walls.

I've asked him to read his newspaper at the office, but was treated like I asked if he could stop breathing. My last ditch hope is that he will read this in his beloved paper and realize there is more to life than newsprint.

.- Inked Off in Canada

Dear Canada: We admit, there's nothing like spreading out the Sunday paper over a cup of coffee, but we also believe mealtimes should be for the family. The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has found that the more often children eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use illegal drugs. Here's your compromise: Let your husband read until food is ready to be served, then the paper must be put away immediately. (You also can keep some moist wipes nearby so he can clean the ink from his hands.)

Be thankful for what you have

Dear Annie: I am 72 years old and read your column daily. Why do some people complain and moan about things that are such unbelievably minor concerns? My wife has had MS for over 10 years and is homebound. I take care of her 24/7, 365 days a year because I love the woman and know she would do the same for me.

Tell these insecure people to wake up to reality and face life the way it has been dealt to them. Thanks. Just wanted to get this off my chest.

- Greg

Dear Greg: Thank you for reminding us so clearly that we should be thankful for what we have.