ANNIE'S MAILBOX

Dear Annie: I have known "Celia" for five years and love her like a sister. A few months ago, I found out that Celia's husband is having an affair with a former employee. I know he meets this woman at various outof the-way places and that he leaves work in the middle of the day to see her on her lunch hour.

We live in a small town, and I'm not the only one who sees what's going on. I imagine Celia suspects more than she is saying and is trying to keep it quiet out of concern for her children.

Celia used to be so energetic and have such a spark for life, but now she seems burnt out all the time. I want her to know that I am here for her, but don't want to embarrass her or lose her friendship. What should I do?

- U.S.A.

Dear U.S.A.: Celia is probably aware that her husband is cheating, but for whatever reason, she has chosen not to address it. Please don't force her to deal with this before she is ready. If you want to be a good friend, tell Celia she seems tired and depressed and if she needs someone to listen, you are available. You also might suggest that she seek professional help. The rest is up to her.

Nurse was going by the rules

Dear Annie: I am a loving caregiver to my brother who is in Hospice. I am his closest blood relative. He is married and his wife lives in the area.

I was at the hospital and noticed a nurse coming from his room. I asked if there was an emergency and was told to "ask his wife." I am at the hospital more than she is. Is it proper for the hospital to defer to the wife instead of blood relatives? It seemed cold and insensitive.

- Brother in California

Dear Brother: Even though you are a blood relation, your brother's wife is his legal next-of-kin and apparently the only one authorized to receive his personal information. The next time you speak to her, ask if your name can also be listed on the necessary forms so that you, too, can be regularly updated about your brother's condition. We hope she will agree.

Mom must take charge of life

Dear Annie: When I retired, I wanted to move closer to my only grandchildren. However, my daughter said I couldn't live in "her town" unless I divorced my second husband. After thinking about my difficult marriage, I decided to get the divorce, although I have stayed friends with my ex.

After I moved, my ex came to visit every few months. My daughter was livid. She wouldn't allow me to see my grandsons for weeks at a time. She said she's afraid the ex will murder her family. I don't know why she believes this. My ex has never been physically violent.

Now he is planning to move to "her town," and I haven't told her. I worry she will never let me see the boys again. Annie, I can't control where he lives and don't know why I should be forced to give up a friendship because of her paranoia. I will never live with him again, so what business is it of hers?

I am handicapped and on a limited income, so I can't keep moving away, but I am desperate enough to consider suicide if she cuts off my access to those boys. They are all I live for. I asked my daughter to go to a therapist with me, but she refused, saying I am the one with the problem. Please help.

-- Suicidal in California

Dear Suicidal: Did something happen between your daughter and your ex that is causing this reaction? If so, she should tell you about it. If not, it would be nice if she were more compassionate. You have given your daughter control over your choices, and it's making you depressed and miserable. Go for counseling without her. A counselor will help you take charge of your life again and find other reasons to get up in the morning besides your grandchildren. Please call today.

Dear Readers: Today is Family Day (casafamilyday.org). Studies show that children who eat dinner with their parents have a reduced risk of substance abuse. Try it.