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It's time for mom to find another place to live
The problem is, Mom has to have everyone's attention on her all the time. She thinks she is the most important person in the family and we have to accommodate her. But she's impossible to please. She bumped her back a while ago and did nothing but complain. When she was alone in a room, she was absolutely fine, but as soon as anyone walked in, she would start to moan and groan. Mom complains endlessly about my daughter-in-law but takes full advantage of her hospitality. The other day, my daughter-in-law went to check on her and saw through the crack of the door that Mom was sitting up in her bed reading. As soon as my daughterin law knocked, Mom stashed the book and pretended to be asleep. I have tried to talk to my mother about her demanding behavior, but there is no getting through her thick head. My son doesn't know what to do with her anymore, and no one else wants her to live with them. What do you suggest? - Burned Out in California Dear Burned Out: If Mom is financially solvent and can get around with a walker, she does not need to be living with her grandson. It's time for the family to get together and talk with Mom about an apartment, retirement home or assisted-living facility. She could be much happier where she has friends and activities - and a whole new audience to impress. Dear Annie: Please settle a dispute between my husband and me. Several weeks ago, I surprised him with a 50th birthday party. It was very low key and in our backyard. Several of his friends gave him gifts. I handed him the addresses and thank-you notes for him to write out. He stated that since he is now 50, he doesn't need to write thankyou notes, and furthermore, he didn't ask for any of the gifts. He said it was enough that he thanked everyone in person for coming. I believe that you are never too old to write a thank-you note, and since he didn't open the gifts in front of anyone, thanking them for coming isn't sufficient. I feel bad about this since I initiated the party, but I have no intention of writing his notes myself. Please advise. - Wife of Stubborn 50-Year-Old Dear Wife: Being gracious has no age limit, and being 50 does not entitle your husband to be rude. Of course he should write notes to every person who was thoughtful enough to bring him a present, but your husband is lazy and doesn't want to bother. He's not 6 years old, even if he acts like it, so say nothing more. His friends will think he is lacking in manners, and they will be right. Dear Annie: I am writing in response to "Torn in Michigan," who couldn't deal with her husband's children after her own child had died. She was considering divorce. Your answer - to stay put and seek help - was right, but could have been stronger. Depression is an elusive enemy. Remind your readers that the first therapist and the first medications may not be the right ones. Keep looking. Otherwise, that grief can turn to poison, wounding all who are close to you. I suffer from recurring depression. The first time, I worked for two years in therapy, rearranging the mixed-up furniture of my life. The second time, anti-depressants were available, but even five years later, my daughter remembers how hard it was to be mothered by a woman who was so distant from grief. I am grateful I knew where to find help so I could get back to her - and myself. - Been There in Cambridge, Mass. Dear Cambridge: Thank goodness you recognized your illness and didn't give up. We hope "Torn" is listening. * * * Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators. com. |
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