Rodeo Golf Cart Man learns a lesson

CODY SOSSAMON PUBLISHER I learned a lesson Sunday that I want to share with all of you 'Good Samaritans' out there in Ledger land.

Never try to drive two golf carts at the same time.

That's just common sense, you say? Nobody would be that stupid.

Call me 'nobody' because I was that stupid and came quite close to snapping my left ankle in two.

I was playing in a two-man partners golf tournament with my 'cuzzin.' The others in our foursome were the fatherson duo of Richard 'Pops' and Ricky Gilfillan.

On hole number 7, I had hit my second shot to the green from the top of a hill and the others had left the carts near where I hit from and walked down to hit their shots.

After they all hit, the Gilfillans realized they had left their cart WAY back up the hill next to ours.

Being a 'Good Samaritan,' courteous golfer and all-round good guy, I immediately surmised the situation and decided I could drive both carts down the hill so they wouldn't have to make the long hike back. After all, 'Pops' is getting on in years and Ricky has a bad back.

It would be tricky, I knew, but figured I could kinda straddle the two carts and steer one with my left hand and the other with my right. Same for the gas pedals and brakes except I used my feet, of course.

Like most of my brilliant plans, it didn't quite go the way I envisioned.

Either I have poor coordination or one of the carts had a quicker gas pedal response time because when I pressed down, the right cart immediately shot ahead of the left cart.

I panicked and tried to mash the gas on the left cart harder but hit the brake instead.

By then I was stretched into almost a complete split and tried to bail out of the left cart because it wasn't going anywhere anyway.

Somehow or other my left foot had become entangled between the gas and brake pedals and was twisting awkwardly. In that split second I envisioned my ankle snapping like a freshly picked green bean. I could even feel the excruciating pain that was sure to come.

My fears were unfounded because by some miraculous intervention, the right cart suddenly stopped.

I freed my left foot and took a deep breath.

I stepped away from the carts and tested the ankle by putting some weight on it. There was a bit of pain, but it definitely was not broken.

"Y'all are going to have to come get your own cart," I informed the Gilfillans.

I don't think they heard me because they were laughing so hard.

"Go ahead, laugh. I almost broke my ankle trying to help you."

More laughter. I've done some pretty stupid things in my life and I've written about a few of them, like trying to burn a brush pile with gasoline as the accelerant. I learned then that gas fumes will ignite and blow a person several feet off the ground when they do.

Or the time I was using my tractor and scrape blade to pull stumps from the bank of my pond. Make that TRYING to pull stumps from the bank of my pond. I learned from that to make sure the stumps will pop out with pressure. If they don't, the tractor is likely to stall out, roll back into the pond and almost drown the person driving it.

Most of those stupid things were done when I was much younger and not nearly as cautious as I am today.

Now, I really think about what could go wrong and if I can't figure out a safe way to avoid those possibilities I leave the job to someone else.

The problem with that line of reasoning is that sometimes, like Sunday, I think I have devised a safe plan. I had envisioned myself driving those two golf carts down the hill on hole number 7 like a rodeo cowboy standing astride two horses as he circles the arena to cheering crowds.

I'm sure no one reading this has EVER done anything dumb that could have ended with severe injury or worse, but somehow survived intact.

Just in case you have, though, try to learn from those miscues and NEVER, EVER, try to drive two golf carts at the same time.

You'll only end up hurt, or worse, embarrassed.

Cody Sossamon (cody@gaffneyledger.com)

is publisher of The Gaffney Ledger.