Dear Annie: I loved your answer to "Larry is Losing," whose wife is coddling her 30-year-old daughter, enabling her to be irresponsible and immature by doing her laundry, fixing her meals and cleaning up after her dogs. You're so very right to say this mother is actually being selfish. She is filling her own emotional need to be needed. Parents who truly love their children, no matter how old they are, want them to be self-sufficient, strong and independent.

I only wish you had added one thing to the response: A suggestion to contact Co-Dependents Anonymous. CoDA is one of the many wonderful 12-step programs and has been around for 22 years. CoDA offers local meetings, online resources, good literature and information on how to start a group in any town. Thanks for letting me put in my 11 cents worth (inflation!).

— M.R. in Los Angeles

Dear M.R.: Thanks for the recommendation. Readers can contact Co- Dependents Anonymous (codependents. org) at P.O. Box 33577, Phoenix, AZ 85067-3577.

Turn deaf ear to Grandma

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law has terrible grammar, and I am about to blow up if I hear one more "ain't," "thissun" or "don't got no." How can I stop this ignorant misuse of the English language?

It was difficult when my children were little and they would come home from an extended stay with Grandma using those expressions. I had to spend hours correcting them. I also took the opportunity to correct them in Grandma's presence, but she never got it. My kids are now in college and speak with perfect grammar, but Grandma still sounds like an uneducated peasant.

My mother-in-law and I work together and it is becoming increasingly embarrassing. Just the other day I heard her say, "The truck ain't even worth what I'm payin' in preemums." I wanted the floor to open up and take me in.

Is it too much for her to present herself in a classier manner, especially when working with the public?

— Embarrassed Daughter-in-Law

Dear Embarrassed: If your children are in college, you've been putting up with this for many years and it's not going to change. Grandma isn't interested in relearning how to speak. Unless her grammar causes you to lose customers, there is no reason to take it personally. Stop making it your problem and turn a deaf ear.

Was it curiosity or more?

Dear Annie: I feel like the worst parent in the world right now, and I can't talk to anyone about this.

My 14-year-old son had his friend "Jake" over yesterday. When I opened the door to his bedroom, it was apparent that Jake was under the blanket performing a sex act on him. I was so shocked I could not speak and I left the room.

When they came down for dinner, they acted as if nothing had happened. After Jake left, I spoke to my son. He denied everything and says I misinterpreted what I saw. I know better. I told my son this was not acceptable behavior.

Is this normal experimentation? I am unsure what to do. Jake is a neighbor and they have been friends for years. Should I speak to his parents? How do I deal with my son? Please help me.

— Desperate Mom

Dear Desperate: It is not unusual for teenage boys to experiment, although that doesn't mean your son is not emotionally involved with Jake as well. You need to have a quiet, serious discussion with him about sex, and please try to be nonjudgmental so your son feels comfortable confiding in you. Make sure he knows you love him no matter what, and if he doesn't want to discuss this with his mother, you hope he will talk to his father, school counselor or a trusted adult. Don't forbid a friendship with Jake, but definitely have them stay out of the bedroom.