Did ya have a good Christmas?

Happy new year, y'all.

God bless you. I hope everything goes well in 2009 and everybody wins the lottery or otherwise becomes rich. Then we can all meet over to the house and have us one big giant hoedown. I'll bring the fiddle and the Mason jars for the punch bowl.

And speaking of Christmas, how many times has someone asked you: "Did you have a good Christmas?"

Now I know they're just being polite and that's a break from the traditional "Hi, how are you?," but it's sort of annoying because everybody is going to say the same thing. They're going to say, "Oh yeah, we had a good Christmas. Did you?"

Well, not everyone had a good Christmas (take for example, me; all I asked the missus for was a Mister Potato Head and some Lincoln Logs, but I didn't get either one of them) and besides that, people don't REALLY want you to answer that question truthfully.

Say, for example, someone says, "Hi, how are you?" and you ACTUALLY TOLD THEM. Instead of the standard, "Fine, thank you. Hope you are doing well", you said, "Well, when I woke up this morning my back was killing me and then when I got out of the shower, I noticed this rash on my left hip. You want to take a look at it and tell me what you think it is? And then when I was getting dressed, the dang cat threw up a hairball on my good tie and I slipped on some leaves out in the driveway and tore my new pants. And now I've got a raging headache. You got any Tylenol?"

See, folks don't want to hear all that. They're just being polite when they inquire about how you're doing. So that's why we answer with the standard "Fine, thank you. Hope you are doing well."

And as for the "Did you have a nice Christmas?" greeting, I've been telling folks that I didn't get my Mr. Potato Head or my Lincoln Logs. Did I have a nice Christmas other than that? Yes, but that's not what they asked. They didn't say, "Other than not getting your Mr. Potato Head or Lincoln Logs, did you have a nice Christmas?"

And speaking of the holidays, I want to thank all the thousands of people who sent met cards and gifts. I've got my personal assistant back there in the storage room sorting through all that stuff. Everyone who sent me something can expect a nice handwritten thank-you card in the mail any day now.

Let me end these ramblings by saying I hope you are enjoying all the football games. I would now like to have a moment of silence for the Dallas Cowboys.

Silence. Silence.

Silence.

Thank you. Now I'm going to go back there in the back room and rummage through some of those gifts. Maybe there's a Mr. Potato Head in there somewhere.

Klonie Jordan (editor@gaffneyledger.com) is executive editor of The Gaffney Ledger.