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How to respond to a 'bummer gift'

Dr. French O'Shields

Another Christmas has passed. The proverbial "Fat Lady" has sung the closing song. I have never figured out who she is, but she must attend football and baseball games. Folks there talk about her a lot.

It has been a joyous time celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. The gathering of family and friends makes it more meaningful. Precious memories are added to our memory bank. The house is quieter and lonelier, but the memories will last a lifetime. Hopefully the added weight and waist size are temporary.

As wonderful as Christmas is, it can present some dilemmas resulting in some potentially embarrassing moments. For instance, if at your family Christmas gathering there comes a moment when the entire group gathers beside the tree, a child distributes the gifts and each person publicly opens them one at a time.

Frantic tearing of paper and massive opening of gifts is not allowed. Turns are taken around the circle, each person opening one gift at a time while everyone watches. This prolongs the pleasure and increases the enjoyment as everyone gets to see each gift and learn the name of the giver as well.

At least this is how we have done it for years at our family Christmas gatherings. Are all 25 of our immediate family approving? Are you kidding me? Of course not! What family of 25 ever agrees one hundred percent on anything? Since, however, I am the patriarch, meaning the father, grandfather and great-grandfather, they do humor me and grant me dictatorial privileges. After all, old age should have some privileges. The list is short but there are definitely some.

I must admit this public opening of individual gifts can possibly cause a problem. Though my family members give nice useful gifts, if you experience enough Christmases, a time will occur when you are going to get one of those gifts. You know the kind, a real bummer. The kind that causes you to wonder what in the world was the giver thinking.

Everyone is seated on the edge of their chair eagerly waiting to see your gift and hear your comment. Now as you gaze at this "special gift" you have got a problem. Especially true if lying is not a customary part of your lifestyle. Unless you are good at pretending a faint, or dashing out of the room faking a sudden bathroom urge, you have got to say something. But what? Words are slow to come.

My friends at the Dutch Oven in Abbeville can serve up great food. They also send out a newsletter containing good practical advice. A recent one offered some interesting suggestions as to things you may say about a "bummer gift."

1. Hey! There's a gift!

2. Well, well, well.

3. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes that would fit me.

4. This will be perfect for wearing around the basement.

5. Gosh! I hope this never catches fire! It is the fire season though and there are a lot of unexplained fires these days.

6. If my dog buries this, I will be furious!

7. I love it - but I am concerned about the jealousy it may inspire.

8. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

9. Oh no! This is the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

10. I really don't deserve this.

Maybe you have some suggestions of your own. For me, following the example of Jesus, who often answered a question by asking a question, this is my favorite comment: "Is this a great gift or not? Wow, I am speechless!" Often times answering a question by asking one will get you out of a real tight situation. But unlike Jesus, just be sure YOU do not ever answer your own question. Leave the answer to others. After all, people do need to learn to think for themselves, right?

If you do make a judgmental comment on the gift, just be careful what you say. The same person may get your name next year and be challenged by your less-than-nice comment. Then just think what an even stranger gift you may get next year.

Just use kind and thoughtful words and be grateful that the giver cares enough to express their love to you in a gift. Do not succumb to thinking you really deserve something better. Actually none of us were deserving of a valuable gift, yet to show His love, our Heavenly Father gave us His most valuable gift, His only begotten Son.

Worst of all, don't dare forget where you got that bummer gift, rewrap it and give it to another next year at the family public gift unwrapping. Then you will be embarrassed.

It is said silence is golden. If true at no time will it shine brighter than at a moment like this. If all else fails, don't dare say a word. Just fake a faint and pray silently that someone will carry you out of the room. The driveway next to your car would be nice.

(Dr. French O'Shields is a Gaffney native and a retired Presbyterian minister.)