Klonie JORDAN I have a cell phone.

But I don't really care whether it makes and/or receives telephone calls or not.

You know, sometimes you buy a gadget just because of all its gadgety goodness above and beyond its original intent.

My cell phone is an iPhone.

I have an iPhone and an iPod.

Not that I'm a big Apple kid of guy. Speaking strictly from a computer standpoint, I'm a big Microsoft fan. You've got to love Windows, even Vista. And even if you don't love Vista, Windows 7 is on the horizon (some say it will be released to the general public in May) and will soothe for the most part all those feathers that were ruffled by the kinks in Vista.

I wasn't one of those people who suffered from Vista kinks. The desktop that I bought that had Vista Home Premium pre-installed has worked like a champ and, in

my humble opinion, is light years better than any other computer operating system out there.

But back to the cell phone.

You've got to give folks credit when they get something right. And Apple got the iPhone right. And they got the iPod right.

The iPhone is a lot more than just a talkand listen communications device. It also is a web browser, a GPS device, a personal assistant, a calculator, a camera, a stopwatch/ alarm/timer and with a few affordable apps loaded, it can do even so much more. It can be a voice recorder, a hi-tech gaming system, a weather forecaster and has its own iPod built right in.

As cell phones go, you could take the cell phone part out and I would still buy one of these.

I primarily have the iPhone so I can keep up with my e-mails while I'm out and about and so I can keep up with my sports teams.

And speaking of phones, I must admit that I'm not really fond of speaking on the telephone. I don't mind doing it but I'd prefer to keep conversations brief and to the point.

I don't mean to sound persnickety but come on, I'm 54 years old (but I'm still very, very cute and a great dancer) and I kinda grew out of the yapping on the phone thing a long time ago. It's not that I don't want to talk to you. I do, I really, really do. But I'd prefer to do it face to face or via e-mail. Talking on the telephone is so, I don't know, passe these days, right?

Besides, some folks just don't seem to know how to carry on a decent telephone conversation. I have two pet peeves when it comes to electronic voice communications.

One is when some really-proud-of-him-or-herself person has a secretary or personal assistant dial my number and then, when I answer, they say "please hold for Mr. or Ms. Really Proud Of Him Or Herself Person."

This is so ... well ... not cool. I don't take those kinds of calls.

Here's how I handle them:

CALLER: "Hello, Mr. Jordan. Please hold for Mr. Really Proud Of Himself Person."

ME: "Listen. Tell Mr. Really Proud Of Himself Person if he wants to talk to me, he can pick up the phone and dial the number himself" ... CLICK!

What's up with that? Does she also cut his meat when he goes to dinner and iron his socks?

The second pet peeve is when someone calls and leaves a message and does not fully identify him or herself and does not indicate what he or she wants.

If you call my house and you get my answering machine, you will be instructed what to do if you decide to leave a message. My answering machine message goes something like this:

"Hello. You've reached (my number). We don't want to take any surveys, we don't want to buy anything and we don't want to be asked to vote for anybody. If you decide to leave a message, please include your full name, the name of the organization you represent, why you are calling my personal residence and an active telephone number. If you can follow these instructions, we will return your call at the earliest possible convenience, bearing in mind that a man's home is his castle and we would like to be left alone when we are at home. These guidelines do not apply to relatives and friends. We wish for you God's blessings. Amen."

I was at home working in my office the other day and the phone rang. It wasn't a number I recognized, so I let the machine get it. The caller listened to the minute-long answering machine message and then said something to the effect of, "This is Jocelyn (or Josephine, or somebody like that). Please call me back at (the number)."

Are you kidding me? She was just told in great detail what to do if she wished to leave a message and she JUST IGNORED THE DIRECTIONS.

See why this makes me so mad?

See how annoying this can be?

She didn't' leave a complete name. She didn't say who she represented. She didn't say why she was calling.

This person should be fired. As a matter of fact, SHE SHOULD BE FIRED, RE-HIRED AND THEN FIRED AGAIN!

I couldn't wait to delete that message. I didn't make a note of the number. I hit that delete button so many times, it left a dent in the "DELETE" button.

Oh-h-h-h, that makes me so-o-o-o mad.

Hey, wait a minute.

What if that was the lady from the Pulitzer Prize committee?

Anybody know how to retrieve a deleted telephone voice mail message?

Klonie Jordan (editor@gaffneyledger.com) is executive editor of The Gaffney Ledger.