I was resting comfortably in my recliner one recent afternoon when my cell phone rang.

My youngest daughter was in hysterics. “Daddy,” she screamed between sobs, “there’s a dog on my car and he’s trying to get in!”

Seeing as how I had been snoozing and was in somewhat of a dream state, I wasn’t quite sure I heard what I heard.

“What?”

“There’s a dog on my car and he’s trying to get in!”

I clearly heard her this time and knew I wasn’t dreaming, although the situation she was describing was like something out of a dream. How many times has a dog stood on your car and tried to get in? Hmmmm?

“Where are you?”

“I’m in the carport! Hurry!”

I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,

Tore open the door and almost had a crash.

Hold it. Hold it. I got carried away there with it being only a few weeks before Christmas and all.

But I did rush to my daughter’s aid and sure enough there WAS a dog on the hood of her car, pawing at her windshield. She sat behind the steering wheel, frozen with fear.

I assessed the situation and after sizing up the dog, decided he was not a threat, so I stepped outside and shooed him off.

Turns out it was my neighbor’s dog and he heard me hollering at the dog to “GIT OUTTA HERE!!”

A few minutes later he drove up (out where I live neighbors live several hundred yards apart) and handed me a tree branch.

“Next time he comes here smack him good with this,” he explained. He went on to say he thought his dog had mental problems

“A couple was down at the water wheel (old corn mill near where we live) and left their car doors open,” he explained. “When they came back, the dog was sitting in their car and they were scared to get in.”

They found my neighbor and he got the dog out of their car. No one was harmed, but I bet they won’t visit the water wheel again.

I guess dogs can have mental issues. As a matter of fact, I believe my wife’s latest adopted stray falls into that category.

I’d say it’s because the dog is so ugly, but since she’s never looked in a mirror she doesn’t know it. She’s so ugly I named her Fergus, after that dog in the Budweiser commercial (check it out on YouTube). For those who haven’t seen it, there’s a REAL ugly dog in it named, what else, Fergus.

Abbie, the daughter referenced above, and wife Sherry, would have no part of that name, so they call her “Ella,” short for Cinderella.

Now that Ella, who showed up at our house uninvited, has been cleaned up and nourished back to health, I agreed that Fergus was no longer suitable.

Now she looks more like Yoda of Star Wars fame.

Enough about names. The dog is scared to death of me. Sherry thinks she must have been abused. If so, it must have been by a tall, bald guy with a mustache, because Ella- Yoda-Fergus isn’t afraid of anyone in our house but me. She slinks away under the closest piece of furniture if I so much as look at her sideways.

I have done nothing to her to warrant that fear. In fact, I am the one who broke down and fed her when she showed up at our house and would not leave.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Notice I mentioned Ella hides under the nearest piece of furniture. That means she has now joined Toby and the cats INSIDE.

Is it any wonder I chased away my neighbor’s dog?

And I haven’t even told you about Wyatt, my other neighbor’s dog. Wyatt showed up when Fergus (she still looked pretty rough at that time) was in heat and refuses to go home.

At least he doesn’t attack Abbie’s car.

Cody Sossamon (cody@gaffneyledger.com) is publisher of The Gaffney Ledger.